[Editor’s Note: This has nothing to do with the show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic cartoon and actually predates it by several years.]
Remember My Little Pony from the 80’s? RFSHQ’s forum did, apparently, because they all got together and made a bunch of terrible fan art using an online generator.
– The RFSHQ Forums
The date is sometime in May 2005.
I woke up, browsed some websites, and saw there was a former member of the KKK who had recently been arrested, Edgar Killen. The convicted person depicted in the image looked all too familiar to me though.
“The Six Flags Guy?” I said to myself. I loved that mascot. He was so out of place and energetic. You hated him and loved him at the same time.
The day this happened unfortunately fell into the time period when I played around on the popular YTMND website and within seconds I had already thrown together an incredibly stupid YTMND pointing out the extreme similarities between “Mr. Six” and Edgar Killen. I thought it was a stupid joke.
I thought differently when a friend later sent me a link to my own YTMND and said it was “the funniest shit ever” and that I had to see it. I told him I made it, and to check the author box. Sure enough, yes it was in fact me. I was informed that the YTMND had spread like crazy and a Google search of “sixflagskkk.ytmnd.com” yielded many, many results. In one week the site skyrocketed to the #31 Most Viewed YTMND of all time, just one rank short of being on the first page of top viewed YTMNDs. People had begun to make parodies of the work too such as the site sixeightbit.ytmnd.com, an 8-bit remix of the original.
It was fun to see my work being spread around like that, true Internet ad-nausea. My friends and I all joked about it until the owner of YTMND got “The Letter”. “The Letter” was a name given to the cease and desist sent out by the Six Flags company demanding all YTMNDs featuring the mascot be removed immediately. Unfortunately, YTMND complied and the original version of my site is no more. I re-registered the domain so no one would snipe it, and replaced it with a futile ad for my website, hoping what was left of the popularity would drive visitors to RFSHQ.
Later that year, shortly after the YTMND had run its course, Mr. Six was retired from the main Six Flags ad campaign. I had unknowingly put a bullet in the head of my favorite mascot. My stupid joke killed Mr. Six. In all honesty I wasn’t trying to harm anybody; it was a dumb joke. Maybe it was a little too popular of a joke, but a dumb one nonetheless. Maybe Mr. Six was already on his way out, but this sudden spike in attention didn’t really seem to help his case.
I’m not proud for what I did. The Internet is a mean place.
R.I.P. Mr. Six. :c
– Dracophile[Editor’s Note: In the years following this publication Six Flags has since reinstated Mr. Six as their theme park’s mascot and has featured him in new commercials and merchandise.]
[Editor’s Note: This is a collection comprised of multiple “collections” from the Law For Kids series.]
RFSHQ forum member Nightbringer posted an open submissions thread about the Law For Kids comics where he removed the text bubbles and let the forum go crazy with it. It took off like a rocket and here’s what came out of it. (Additional content from other Law For Kids posts follows ranging from the best of the series to the absolute worst.)
– The RFSHQ Forums
I love classic video games. They remind us all of a time when you had a D-Pad and two (or maybe three or four) buttons to use and you had better quit your crying and make something with it. It was when we got all of our favorites like Mario and Sonic, and all of those other mascots that faded into obscurity as soon as they emerged. It was a vicious time. Game series were like movies; the first would rock the market, and the sequel would suck so bad that the series would end.
Today we’re up to what, “Final Fantasy 47,582 and a half: You’re running out of money but we can keep this up for another 20 years”, “Pokemon Burnt Orange with Green Stripes”, “Super Mario Extreme Snowboarding”, and “Sonic The Hedgehog: More Worthless Characters”?
I’m not here to make fun of today’s games. I’m here to ask you only one question:
“Do you have the skillful?”
I found myself at the receiving end of that question while I was looking for stuff to buy at a “local” trade center. One of the shops I came across was selling those pirated “5,000 games in 1” systems, which is really like 4,990 Mario Bros games, and 10 other shitty ones. I had time to waste so I decided to fool around with the ones they had on display. Lots of different models were here; they sodomized all sorts of controllers with NES games. There were Frankenstein’d Nintendo 64 controllers, Genesis controllers, and even Dreamcast parts (who the hell even plays that anymore).
I was enjoying a few rounds of Super Mario Bros. (since that is the only game on there) when the shopkeeper came up to me and asked if I liked what I saw. I was honest with him, I told him they were pretty cool but my little brother already owned one and I was just having fun. He was a nice old guy. He didn’t know much about what he was selling (since he often spelled games wrong on his advertisement flyers) but he’s just trying to make a buck… or thirty-five. Whichever.
He asked what I was playing and I said Mario, and he asked if I knew about “The Cheat Button”…
“The cheat button?” I asked.
He walked outside of the booth and I handed him the controller. “Yeh mang the CHEAT button here wach.” (Pardon the errors as I type in a racist Mexican accent.)
He pressed some of the extra buttons on the controller and went from World 1-1 to World 2-1, 3-1, 4-1, all the way to 8-1 and he stopped. Then, he dared to press it again and something completely unexpected happened. World 9-1. I’m sure he’s done this before, but it seemed like a complete mindfuck to him.
“You can only get to dese levels if you have the SKILLFUL.” He said. “Do you have the SKILLFUL?”
I knew 9-1 didn’t exist and its scrambled appearance just kinda cemented that thought but I didn’t know about the cheat, so I obviously did not have the “skillful”. I replied, “I didn’t know about these so I guess I don’t have it!”
He seemed real energetic and said “Well hey mang go and try it out, but hey mang check it out when you keep pressing cheat button it goes to letter worlds mang. Press it until it goes to O world mang.” I complied and went to World O-1 and was greeted with a black water level with randomized coins. He was playing it and said “See mang dese are the levels that the Nintendo didn’t want you to see mang. You can only get here with the skillful and cheat buttons.”
I watched him play the the level, and after he passed up about 20 random coins the level was just empty, so I asked what was up, since I don’t think he knew that the game was just calling for random information that didn’t exist. I don’t think he had the “skillful” to understand that concept, so I didn’t mention it. “Where’s the level?” I asked.
He pasued the game and said “After the coins mang there INVISIBLE walls mang. I play so much though I know where ALL DEM at.”
Unfortunately. I was getting hungry and I was actually supposed to have been on my way home so I had to cut this brilliant conversation/experience short, but rest assured. If you have the skillful, then you damn well better beat the levels the Nintendo didn’t want you to see.
– Dracophile[Editor’s Note: The device in question was a “Power Player” system containing several hundred NES games built into the shell of a Nintendo 64 controller. The so-called “cheat button” was one of the two C-buttons that did not stand in as turbo options for A and B.]
PeTA is big on releasing retarded pamphlets that force their unintelligent and completely incompetent “facts” in your face. RFSHQ forum user dr d posted an example of one such pamphlet and unbeknownst to him everyone decided to just make fun of the advertisement…
– The RFSHQ Forums
To go along with the horrid “Jones Challenge” episode of The Radio F Show, I have written an article to cover in depth the Five Flavors of Doom: The 2005 Jones Holiday Pack. In this article I’ll be “rating” each of the five flavors based on Appearance, Smell, Taste, and an Overall score.
Wild Herb Stuffing
Appearance: Wild Herb Stuffing has the appearance of watered down semen. It’s opaque and white. While I was intimidated by the appearance of the drink, I assumed it was what was promised on the label. For looking like milk with melted ice in it, I’ll have to give a 5/10.
Smell: The soda did not seem to have an smell at all. I had gotten to the point of jamming my nose into the bottle, and there still wasn’t any scent, so I can’t really rate this odorless mystery. ?/10
Taste: When I took a cautious sip of the odorless and suggestive looking drink I was expecting a blast of garlic and bread crumbs. Instead I got what tasted like pure soda carbonation and some form of pepper. While it wasn’t too great, this was one of two bottles I managed to drink in the Contest. 5/10
Overall: For a basic drink that tastes like fizzy pepper, you can’t go wrong if that’s your thing. 5/10
Appearance: This drink looked like a slightly darker orange soda. It didn’t appear to be that harmful in the least bit, and was actually pretty fizzy. 7/10
Smell: The drink smelled like some sort of baked good, which I am assuming is the drink’s namesake, Pumpkin Pie. White it didn’t smell appetizing, it didn’t make my skin want to melt off either. 5/10
Taste: It can look and smell nice, but when it comes to taste that’s the bottom line. This tasted like burning sugar and was horrible. I could feel cavities being created in my teeth with just one sip. 3/10
Overall: It looks nice, it kind of smelled nice, but it tasted so bad that I couldn’t muster more than one drink. 4/10
Appearance: Cranberry looked a lot like juice and didn’t look that menacing. It was also very fizzy. Looks can be deceiving though. 8/10
Smell: This beverage smelled just like what it was named. It smelled like a nice cup of cranberry juice, a common breakfast friend of mine when I actually have breakfast. 9/10
Taste: I warily took a little sip of the drink before I suddenly took a much larger drink of it. It tasted great! Just like cranberry juice, only carbonated! The only other bottle I managed to drink in the Contest. 10/10
Overall: This drink surprised me. There’s nothing wrong with this drink, and is clearly the best in the pack. 9/10
Turkey & Gravy
Appearance: This drink made me feel a bit sick just by looking at it. It was an opaque brown, like backed up sink water. It didn’t look the least bit tasty. 2/10
Smell: Despite a horrible appearance, this smelled faintly of oranges even though we’re talking about a meat flavored drink. 5/10
Taste: One sip of this and I immediately grabbed for my bottle of water. It tasted so bad, like burnt toast with gravy on it. This bottle was devoid of anything good and wholesome for your well being. 1/10
Overall: It looks and tastes horrid, but might make a nice orange scented air freshener for a while. 3/10
Appearance: The worst of the bunch. This was a horrid spinach green nontransclucent liquid that seemed to stare deep into my empty soul. I was scared for my life. 0/10
Smell: The smell of this putrid drink instantly filled the entire room with its pungent buttery odor. It got so bad that we had to open the windows to let the smell out. 0/10
Taste: I was damn near about ready to call this off when it came time for this. This was bad. This was beyond bad. The minute it hit my lips I wanted to vomit. 0/10
Overall: There is no God. 0/10
The only drink I wasn’t too cautious about was Cranberry, and I hate it when I am right. I was already expecting shit instead of rainbows and flowers from the rest of them but my god… those were horrible. The Jones delivery trucks should slap “Biohazard” symbols on them when they transport that muck.
RFSHQ is known to not necessarily be a big supporter of PeTA. A few of us enjoy making fun of them just because of the hypocrisy that eminates from them on so many levels. However they are right on one thing: mankind has some fucking wicked awesome killing machines. Rather than take a cow out back and putting a bullet in its head we’ve spent millions inventing elaborate and huge user friendly contraptions that essentially do the work for us. Convenience has finally made a showing in food processing, big deal!
Hell, we’ve automated pacemakers, fire emergency sprinklers, and with shows like Lost— everyones’ Friday night. Why not automate a slaughterhouse? And what better to do that with than to make a three ton brick of steel soon to be covered in the blood of a thousand cows at the end of the day? Ever since that lucky caveman’s tree got blasted by lightning, we’ve been really rolling in the inventions. Seriously, take a look at them all. We’ve got the steamboat, cotton gin, television/radio, internal combustion engines, electric appliances, and massive metal objects covered in more saw blades than the factories that manufactured them.
I’ve seen some of these machines too; that’s the reason why people watch slaughterhouse videos in the first place and that’s the reason why they have what’s called “shock value”. If PeTA released 25 minutes of some farmer popping caps in cows out in the pasture I don’t think people would care the least bit but PeTA’s got videos of a gigantic metal chamber that turns the cows upside-fucking-down and gouges their necks. Turning them upside-down is completely irrelevant to the process, but you know what, it’s damn cool and the people who developed it knew way ahead of time activitsts were going to complain about it. Someone’s a genius here!
Let’s take a look at some of the stuff seen in the “animal testing” videos, besides the guy dressed in a bunny suit they always use. These videos highlight “scientists” poking and prodding various animals to see what happens. You know what, I bet 30 years ago those same men’s hobby was torching ants with a magnifying glass; this is merely an advanced, albeit perverse, version of a childhood hobby. I mean, sure, I don’t really see the point in bolting an I/O port onto a cat’s head but let me ask you this: why not? I mean hell, iKitty could be the next Robosapien, and with iTunes compatibility, that idea is a goldmine waiting to happen.
Another contraption shown in the testing videos is used to see the breaking point of animal necks. You want to know what this is? It’s a freaking pneumatic brick of steel that snaps from zero degrees to 90 in one frame of camera film. That fast. What purpose is this? None! But you know how exponentially cool that thing is? I’d buy one just to have it, you could start some interesting conversations with it. “Yeah see that 400 pound mass of metal over there? Yeah check this out.” Press the fire button and I guarantee your buddy is going to crap his pants and buy one for himself. You could open drinks with that, or finally figure out if you can break Tupperware or something.
Point is, yes maybe Man has gone a little over the top with these contraptions, but let me ask you this. Do you really need that alarm clock to wake you up in the morning? Do you really need that car to take you to work or school? Do you really that retarded self-checkout lane at Wal-Mart? Did Pee-Wee really need that Rube Goldberg device to make him his breakfast? The answer is no, but it helps doesn’t it? So does mankind need that three ton machine that flips cows upside-down? No… but it helps, doesn’t it?
Game Arts is a virtually unknown company in the realm of the NES. If this game is any indication then I’m pretty sure why no one has heard of them. Thexder, while not only hard to pronounce, is also hard to play. So hard in fact that you could probably do better with your eyes closed or even just not playing at all. Thexder is like the Transformer that everyone didn’t like because he sucked ass. Your character, a robot called Thexder, starts the game out as a jet flying down a tunnel. Once you get into the play field however, you can transform into a walking robot that is an easy target for all of the incredibly small and fast enemies this game has to offer. Originally I came face to face with this monstrosity under the name “Chexdex” on some pirated cartridge, but now it’s mano y mano.
At any given time there are no less than about 20 various enemies that crawl around, fly around, crawl and fly, shoot, or do all of the following and also still be in your wireless calling plan. Trying to shoot these enemies as Robot Thexder proves ineffective since the geniuses who created this game decided to make your bullets lock on to your target, and when there’s about 40 of them chasing you it’s really not helpful when your bullets starting taking out the dumbasses in the back or just shoot wildly in all directions except in front of you. On top of crappy shooting controls, the game also has embarassingly bad… control controls. Walking around as Thexder is useless, your best bet is flight since your player is about 1/3 his normal size and a lot faster. The only problem is that maneuvering is sluggish, and if you try to pull a 180 you convert back to that cheap robot.
If it wasn’t bad enough, there are a series of thin mazes you can only navigate as the jet, and since you need tight controls, the game decides it would be best to turn you into the robot at the most inopportune times and get you jammed in the wall where you can either shoot bullets everywhere or try and get out as the jet. If you manage to get out of the maze, you’ll be greeted with about 30 more of those little flying bastards that don’t do anything but hit you and are impossible to shoot at since your gun operator never passed first grade. The entire time you’re trying to do this, though, you have some really great suspenseful music playing, and by suspenseful I mean something that sounds like an Atari with someone trying to get a VCR to eat a tape.
When the inevitable happens and one of the many twirly enemies smashes your robot, you die and the music hangs on whatever note it was on while the “GAME OVER” text takes about a minute to decide to appear on the screen along with your final score (which won’t be higher than about 7 probably). You’ll get to enjoy this hanging note until you either press buttons until you get back to the title screen, or just give up and find something else better to do with your time.
I’d have to say I was pretty happy when I managed to get out of that damn maze that I was stuck in for about 10 minutes. Can’t say I was too enthused about the onslaught of randomly appearing spinning boxes that proceeded to whack the holy hell out of Thexder though.
Like the launch of Pokemon in the United States everything is either blue or red or some shade of the two. The game is straightforward. Walls. Enemies. You. The least they could have done is to do something like not making the enemies look like random projectiles you may or may not have shot out from the ass of your robot though. And in space I really don’t think you’re going to be encountering spinning boxes and diamonds with cages around them. If you’ve seen the movie Lawnmower Man you’d know shit like that doesn’t work.
If this game had more than 3 notes maybe I would have given it a 1. The fact that there is only one track which loops after 5 seconds, and that it hangs when you die or pause the game, and might be known to cause brain cancer from prolonged exposure… this is a run-on sentence isn’t it? Screw it. The music and sound effects (or lack thereof) blow.
One thing that would have made this game better is the ability to turn around in flight, instead of reverting back to Crap-O-Tron. Ok, two things that would have made this game better. Make your bullets hit something besides the floor or the enemy in the very back of the wave. Alright alright, three things that would have made this game better. Just forgetting about it altogether. Just have Game Arts’ staff wake up one morning and decide to go work for a gas station.
Transformer Points: 7/10
Thexder seems to be a crappy attempt to cash in on the Transformers fad of the 1980’s. The main character does just that, although rather unoriginally, and I’m pretty sure Optimus Prime had better things to do than solve mazes and screw around with non-descript enemies in some world that doesn’t even have a back story.
If you’ve ever been to Taco Bell surely you’ve seen their hot sauce packets, the kind with little sayings on them. Dracophile recently made some bad dietary choices and subsequently came up with the idea that you could easily blank their messages and put other witty banter in its place. That’s exactly what happened. As a bonus, derverger eventually made an image generator for creating these; you can play with the generator HERE.
– The RFSHQ Forums
Hack & Slash w/ Flying
Demon Sword is a game that puts all of those really cool (and I use that term very loosely) moves that you see on stupid animes such as Inuyasha into one. Your character, now that I think of it, bears a striking resemblance to that guy. He wears all red, jumps around, and is a total moron. He also wields a sword, which in the title screen almost looks badass, but then you realise it resembles a tree with no leaves, possibly even a hat rack. Even worse, the sword you get in the game looks like it should be used to butter rolls.
Your sword bears a curious power that completely flips your enemies upside-down as soon as you hit them. This is helpful because you can’t tell if they’re upside-down already or if the programmers just decided to smoke a lot of weed while they made this. Probably both. Aside from your butter knife, you can throw a seemingly unlimited amount of ninja stars, which do about as much as throwing paper balls at someone. It just pisses them off. There are two kinds of enemies in this game: red guys, and black guys. They both do the same, only red guys like to jump around alot, and act significantly more stupid. Both of them use what I think are swords, but I can’t be sure, but either way, it’s a white line that hurts you if it touches you. I assume that means “sword”.
A nice feature in Demon Sword is that you can jump really, really, REALLY high. This is nice because you can beat an entire level by holding Up and Right. Enemies also fall from the sky, wildly swinging whatever it is they use as a weapon in a circle. They almost got the idea of a helicopter down, but they’re spinning it at the wrong angle, and that is why skeleton ninjas are now extinct in Asia. When your character, whom I will now refer to as Inuyasha, jumps, he flashes his ass cheeks at you and flies up in the air. How he flies so high I think might have something to do with his bare ass. Unfortunately, you are vulnerable while flying and in that image Inuyasha loses his head because a Reverse Helicopter Skeleton Ninja whacked him in the neck. No amount of 69’s, Lightning Bolts, or Letter “E”‘s With An Extra Line can save him now.
Fighting the bosses is pretty easy since all of them have a combined IQ of 7. They will usually sit there, randomly jumping and swinging their swords or whatever it is evil Asian bosses used in those days, until you pelt them with ninja stars or swing your butter knife at them. Every time you hit a boss they squeak and bounce around and will continue to do this until you have hit them about 30 times wherein they will make some kind of digital fart noise, blink, and then disappear. All that is missing is a “A WINNER IS YOU” message.
Being able to fly across any level in about thirty seconds by jumping continuously. You can totally skip any graphics programming the developers did and see nothing but a plain blue background the entire time. It’s simplistic programming bugs like being able to jump like you’re on the goddamn moon that make bad games worse. In this case, it set a new low for NES games.
I found it funny that enemies flip upside down when you smack them. Other than that the rest of this mess looks uninspired and recycled. The trees and bamboo have numerous bugs in them that make them look buggy, inverted, or scrambled. Demon Sword is a mess of display glitches and bugs that rival the likes of Action 52.
If suspenseful and dramatic anime music is your favorite genre of music, then this game is for you. The music always gives the hint that something exciting might happen, but to me, skeletons that do flips and lots of jumping don’t classify as “exciting”.
The controls are easy to master, because as long as you hold Up and Right you can beat the entire level until you get to the boss. When it comes to the actual combat, your character can swing away all he wants, and enemies will pass right through your sword. Ninja stars make guys flip upside down, and they have a range of about an inch on the screen.
Inuyasha Lookalike Points: 9/10
Your guy looks an awful lot like Inuyasha. And Inuyasha sucks. Big time. I can’t see why all of those dumb kids like Inuyasha either, it’s so damn boring.