No Means No

Nothing pisses me off more than military recruiters. You know who I am talking about; the scum of the planet, they do nothing but scour schools and public places looking for the “lost” who are unsure on what they want to do with their lives. They give you the biggest bullshit speech ever and they don’t go away. They are programmed to not understand the concept of “no”, they treat it like it’s some new twist in life that they were not informed of.

In fact, just recently I had to put up with one of these pieces of work. It all began when he and his assistant visited my foreign language class and gave “The Bullshit Speech”. At one point this involved asking random people what field of study they wanted to do to further their careers. Some people said mechanics, some said medical. Others said things like engineering. After every person Sargent Dipshit said something like “There’s a position for that in the Army.”

He pointed to me.

“What do you want to do?” He asked.

I looked at him for a second. I knew how to get him; I wasn’t going to play his game.

“I want to be an actor and a writer,” I finally said.

He paused. He paused because there’s no bullshit course in the military that involves acting or writing. He was at a loss for words, said some uninspired “best wishes” and just went to the next guy. Afterwards, before class was over, he was talking to me about joining to help pay for college. I wasn’t impressed.

“How about help to pay for college?” He says.

“I don’t want to join the military, thanks but no thanks, okay?” I say back.

“We can help you pay for loan-”

“NO.” I cut him off as I walked out.

The kid behind me had some questions so I left class and went to lunch hoping to finally have some peace. No. The fuckers followed us to lunch. I saw them walking toward my table; I was pissed off. Luckily, someone pulled him over to their table.

Now was my chance. I got up and went into the cafeteria line to go buy an ice cream cone. Hopefully if I was stuffing my face with something they’d take the hint and leave me alone. Nope. I come back, take a huge bite of that ice cream cone, and just as he walks by he motions for me to get up and come talk to him. He won’t get his sorry ass over here and talk to me instead.

Irritated, I say “Yeah?”

He has the nerve to say the same exact shit to me all over again. I can’t take anymore of this. This is like date rape. NO MEANS NO, OK?

“Look, I’m not gonna join. I don’t support this shit we are ‘fighting’ for. No. Means. No. I can pay for college. I don’t need Uncle Sam giving me a reacharound, you catch my drift? I want to keep to myself and do what I want to do. It’s my life, quit trying to pressure me into this bullshit you stretch and wave around. Now leave me alone before I report you for harassment.”

And that ended it. Apparently playing the “harassment” card is the only way to get these dickwads to leave you alone.

– Dracophile

[Editor’s Note: Following the original publication of this article on RFSHQ, an update was posted in the community forums detailing how this particular recruiter was eventually banned from the campus over repeated complaints of persistent harassment.]