A Lesson in History

I really hate stupid bullshit assignments given to me just so that the teacher can go fuck around somewhere else. Earlier last week I did something some people would do out of spite, and, I got an A+ on the assignment. How? The teacher said to try the questions. She didn’t say to try them the right way. If you turned in this assignment with answers provided, any answer, you received credit for it. These are the actual answers I used for some of the questions:


The Growing Economic Crisis of the Late 19th Century
2. What were the weaknesses of agreements in stabilizing industry?
My Answer: Lightning

7. From the documents, what inferences can you make about the disastrous effects of the business cycle for corporations?
My Answer: Numbers lol internet SHAZAM

9. Even though Congress passed antitrust legislation, why did corporate leaders try to retain the concept of the trust?
My Answer: They saw it on Pokemon the Movie 2000

10. How did leaders hope to maintain the essence of trusts?
My Answer: By flipping coins

11. How does the relationship of a Board of Trustees with trusts differ from a Board of Directors?
My Answer: It is not gay as long as the balls don’t touch.

12. Research why the 14th Amendment was used to protect a holding company but not a trust.
My Answer: Because we’re Nazis

14. How much economic freedom should society give to an individual. Explain.
My Answer: 37 cents. Because.

15. How do the actions of the gov’t reflect the failure of Morgan’s philosophy?
My Answer: With a mirror

16. Write a thesis statement that explains Morgan’s approach to organizing the economy.
My Answer: Morgan was gay with Bill Cosby and that pelican from the dill pickles jars.


The Philosophy of the Industrialists
2. How does Social Darwinism reinforce laissez-faire?
My Answer: With lots and lots of duct tape

3. How does the Gospel of Wealth help to justify the philosophy of Social Darwinism?

4. State several businesses Rockefeller seems to justify in his comment to Sunday School class.
My Answer: Pimping ho’s

5. How did the cartoonist interpret Rockefeller’s remark?
My Answer: With ink

6a. What does the cartoonist imply was the source of the monopolist’s wealth & power?
My Answer: Jews, candy, MC Hammer, and Arsenio Hall.

6b. What industries does the cartoonist show as protected?
My Answer: concentration camps

6c. What does the booty in the cartoon represent?
My Answer: J Lo

6e. Summarize in a sentence the main idea of this cartoon.
My Answer: Okay.

7. List several major social or economic problems that stem from Social Darwinism
My Answer: High cable rates, AOL, and the name “Social Darwinism”

10. To what extent do you see evidence of individuals employing either or both of the philosophies in today’s society?
My Answer: Dr. Phil wants you to live like a gay woman.

– Dracophile