Humpy Humpy Dinos

There are some things beyond comprehension. Things like nuclear physics, God, Bill Cosby, and Jell-O. There are also things like… dinosaurs mating. Some things should never be put down on paper… but there are always those who wonder, and wonder they will as they create things that no mortal should ever lay untainted eyes on.

The date was 2002, my freshman year in high school. For this story, you need a mental image of how the school hallway is set up. I am at the back of one of 2 hall ways. There is a long sidewalk that connects one to the other in the middle, like an H. I leave my last class, go across the sidewalk, and go in the doors to the other hall way. So in other words now I am at the bottom right of the H, by the exit to the front of the school.

However, when I enter the doors to go into the other hall way, I see someone about 6 feet in front of me, on the other side of the hallway (I am on the left, he is on the right). For his sake, we can just call him “Bob”. We’re both walking forward, he is about 6 feet in front of me and has no idea I am behind him. I’m not planning on starting conversation, so I keep quiet. Bob is what you can say… weird. Someone who knows me but I don’t really hang out with. I have many stories to share about him, but today’s story uppercuts all others.

He drops his things he’s holding (a couple of folders full of papers). When he drops it, all of the papers skid out across the floor. Obviously, he stops to pick them up. I keep walking, we hit dead even and I glance over to see what fell out. It was his drawing notebook. What I saw would haunt me the rest of my life.

I froze in horror, because the drawing that was on top of the stack was a hand drawn picture of two Tyrannosaurus rexes fucking the crap out of each other. I shit you not. TWO DINOSAURS FUCKING EACH OTHER. I froze with my face in disbelief, on the opposite side of the hall way, staring at him frantically scooping papers together. Luckily my presence was unknown to him, even though I was now 3 feet to his left, staring right at him frozen in confusion and terror.

I was unknown, until my pencil falls from behind my ear (I put my pencil between the top of my ear and the side of my head) and hits the ground with a tapping sound that echoes down the hall. Bob immediately freezes, and snaps his head looking directly at me. It was instantaneous, you couldn’t even see his head move when he turned to look at me. He just started at me with these beady little eyes.

I think he knew I saw it, because I still had the same look on my face. I left my pencil and ran; right out the door, into another door, and into the cafeteria… and hid in the crowd of people. The next day, and for 4 months afterwards, I avoided him at all costs. Three more years of school with him, and much more has unfolded. That’s for another day. For now, try getting that mental picture out of your head when you go to sleep.

– Dracophile