Hump for the Lord!

Just recently in school we were given books called Word Power. Our English teacher is making us use these so we have a “better vocabulary” and sound more intelligent when we talk. Look, I know these words… I just choose not to use them. If I did ponder about this inkling and indeed vocalize using these extravagant pieces of language then most people would not be able to comprehend what I was speaking about. See what I mean? You have to read that sentence more than once unless you’re an English major, or have no sense of humor… in which case you’re an English major.

Anyways, I was reading through the pages. Not really reading, more like flipping through them to get a breeze on me, when I came across a chapter that had vocabulary words for sex on one page and on the very next page were words about religion.

Section 5. of sex and the tongue
Section 7. under and over (oddly named chapter of Religion part)

Those two don’t mix. However, with today’s high standards of school learning about God whilst learning how to properly court a female would be acceptable learning in the 11th grade. So… heads up! Professor Draco is going to teach you how to date a full-on religious chick using these fine words from Word Power.

Firstly, lets get to know our words before we begin this lesson:
libidinous — pleasure
lascivious — wantonness, desire
lubricious — slippery
licentious — permission
lewd — sexually inappropriate
lust — desire

Libidinous, lascivious, lubricious, licentious, lewd, and lust are six adjectives that indicate sexual desire and/or activity. Next, lets learn about the words of God, right on the next page:
agnosticism — skepticism of god
theos — god (greek)
monothiesm — beleif in one god
polythiesm — beleif in many gods
atheism — beleif in no god

Now on to the lesson. Let’s say you’re at church one day and you have the sudden urge to bang the lights out of the your choir’s hot main singer. Well, using the words you learn today, you can! Yes! Even the ugliest holy man can get some booty! The following script is what will happen 99% of the time. Follow this and remember this and you are almost guaranteed some ass!

You: “Hey _______ that was some nice singing you did today.”
Girl: “Thanks ________ I’m glad you liked it.”
You: “How about you and me go out and get a bite to eat later?”
Girl: “Sure that sounds fun!”
You: “Hey, ________, listen. Recently I’ve had the lust of getting your licentious to libidinous myself in your lubricious yum yum. Your monotheism makes me so hot.”

If all goes well, the fact that you saying monotheism makes you horny combined with all those big words, you should actually get ass right in that restaurant. If not, well at least the confession booth is right there.

What you can also do if you’re a pedophile is write a book. Since all those sex words start with L you can make a Dr. Seuss rip off!

Lewd Larry Laid Lots of Lubricious Labia and Launched Load in Lucy’s Lascivious Lips.

It’s just that simple everyone!

And if you’re already out of school and married, then hump! Because God says it’s okay! Or, at least, this book does.

– Dracophile