The 6 Most Worthless University Classes I Took

by Dracophile
“Foreign language teachers are, in my experience, some of the best instructors you’ll ever have. They have such colorful personalities and they’re always energetic like they perpetually just snorted a line of coke, and I think it might be because every time you say something to them they mentally hear it twice, in two different languages, at the exact same time.”

6 Awesome (and Extinct) Things from Public School

by Dracophile
“If your idea of ‘healthy’ is feeding money into a machine so you can stuff your face with ten bags of hot fries and make an edible Fleshlight out of chocolate donuts then that is your problem my friend, and I shouldn’t have to pay for your coronary nightmare.”

CopOut Teaches People About Tracy Morgan, Dead Memes, et al.

by Dracophile
“Perhaps if the group of people discovering new memes weren’t already mind-obliteratingly shallow and socially retarded to begin with their virgin exploration of the Intertubes would be forgivable and cute, but no, when you’re surrounded by people like this all day as they skate to class and jam out to Sublime non-stop you tend to wish the worst for them.”

Christmas Extravaganza Spectacular 2009

by Dracophile
“I’m going to devote the rest of this entire article to Christmas memories of years past, stories of a less hectic and chaotic time when all you looked forward to was running to the living room and opening presents.”

Surviving Grade School: Detention & PE

by Dracophile
“The rubber dodgeball immediately left my foot heading opposite the way it traveled at an upward angle. As soon as I kicked that ball I knew where it was heading and realized I just made a stupid mistake.”

REVIEW: Nanoquest (PC)

by Dracophile
“…he walks up to the 6-way power strip and literally unplugs the shrink machine. A giant chamber capable of changing the physical properties of matter is also capable of running off of 110 volts of AC current…”

Right Front Suspension

by Dracophile
“Instructors came in two flavors: a cool black guy that would buy you a 44oz soda at the gas station and a large white woman that would buy herself donuts. Obviously, you wanted to ride with the black guy whenever you could…”

No Means No

by Dracophile
“Now was my chance. I got up and went into the cafeteria line to go buy an ice cream cone. Hopefully if I was stuffing my face with something they’d take the hint and leave me alone. “

A Lesson in History

by Dracophile
“How? The teacher said to try the questions. She didn’t say to try them the right way. If you turned in this assignment with answers provided, any answer, you received credit for it.”

Humpy Humpy Dinos

by Dracophile
“I keep walking, we hit dead even and I glance over to see what fell out. It was his drawing notebook. What I saw would haunt me the rest of my life.”