The McDonald’s BattleBots Toys: Reviewed & Deconstructed

by Dracophile
“There is nothing about Mac Attack that I like. I get that it’s supposed to be a joke robot and it’s not to be taken seriously because it is literally a hamburger with saw blades and I accept that, what I’m more upset about is McDonald’s sticking their dick into a franchise’s toy line when they have no business acting as such.”

“Candy Blox” Candy Lego Review

by Dracophile
“I considered stepping on a Candy Blox to see if they match up to Lego bricks but by that point I realized this stupid gimmick had gone on long enough and I was ready to end this article and then write myself off to a future of eating these candies for the next fourteen years because they take almost literally forever to eat.”

BattleBots “MiniBots” Toy Collection/Review

by Dracophile
“I feel that they’ve never been given proper attention since there were admittedly bigger and better toys out there by Hasbro and Jakks Pacific that actually did things and featured moving parts and all that so this line was overshadowed and forgotten. Hopefully I can do the MiniBots justice by showcasing some of my favorites from my own personal collection.”

Energizing Energy Drinks: Redemption (Part 5)

by Dracophile
“Whatever mental image you have of a ‘gyrating grape’ keep it to yourself. This shit’s like 5 Gum, everyone experiences it differently but no one is happy with it.”

REVIEW: Sushi-Go-Round (DS)

by Dracophile
“This game is the steamiest turd you can imagine covered in rice and rolled in seaweed paper. I’m not even going to justify its existence with an elaboration of that opinion.”

6 Reasons Why Valentine’s Day Sucked This Year

by Dracophile
“Dating as far back as 500 B.C. Sweethearts came in six flavors: Mint, an unspecified yellow fruit, spearmint, Pepto Bismol, orange (the fruit), and purple (the color).”

The Boom Adapter

by Dracophile
“From what I collected green is ‘not working’ mode and red is ‘not working even more than green’ mode.”

REVIEW: Jelly Belly “Bean Boozled” Beans

by Dracophile
“Jelly Belly doesn’t have very good luck with their popcorn related flavors which is probably because popcorn was never meant to be a fucking jelly bean.”

REVIEW: Chocolate Mix Skittles

by Dracophile
“Chocolate Mix Skittles went by the wayside for a reason and that reason was because they tasted like the bastard child of Will It Blend and Dirty Jobs.”

REVIEW: Sonic Jam (Game.com)

by Dracophile
“Sonic Jam is a vortex of pure blackened shit that sucks the fun out of anything within twenty feet of it.”