REVIEW: Demon Sword (NES)

20image1Game:
Demon Sword

Developer:
Taito

Genre:
Hack & Slash w/ Flying

Platform:
NES

Released:
1989

Demon Sword is a game that puts all of those really cool (and I use that term very loosely) moves that you see on stupid animes such as Inuyasha into one. Your character, now that I think of it, bears a striking resemblance to that guy. He wears all red, jumps around, and is a total moron. He also wields a sword, which in the title screen almost looks badass, but then you realise it resembles a tree with no leaves, possibly even a hat rack. Even worse, the sword you get in the game looks like it should be used to butter rolls.

20image2

INUYASHA KAGOME INUYASHA KAGOME INUY–

Your sword bears a curious power that completely flips your enemies upside-down as soon as you hit them. This is helpful because you can’t tell if they’re upside-down already or if the programmers just decided to smoke a lot of weed while they made this. Probably both. Aside from your butter knife, you can throw a seemingly unlimited amount of ninja stars, which do about as much as throwing paper balls at someone. It just pisses them off. There are two kinds of enemies in this game: red guys, and black guys. They both do the same, only red guys like to jump around alot, and act significantly more stupid. Both of them use what I think are swords, but I can’t be sure, but either way, it’s a white line that hurts you if it touches you. I assume that means “sword”.

A nice feature in Demon Sword is that you can jump really, really, REALLY high. This is nice because you can beat an entire level by holding Up and Right. Enemies also fall from the sky, wildly swinging whatever it is they use as a weapon in a circle. They almost got the idea of a helicopter down, but they’re spinning it at the wrong angle, and that is why skeleton ninjas are now extinct in Asia. When your character, whom I will now refer to as Inuyasha, jumps, he flashes his ass cheeks at you and flies up in the air. How he flies so high I think might have something to do with his bare ass. Unfortunately, you are vulnerable while flying and in that image Inuyasha loses his head because a Reverse Helicopter Skeleton Ninja whacked him in the neck. No amount of 69’s, Lightning Bolts, or Letter “E”‘s With An Extra Line can save him now.

20image4

Meanwhile, back on Earth…

Fighting the bosses is pretty easy since all of them have a combined IQ of 7. They will usually sit there, randomly jumping and swinging their swords or whatever it is evil Asian bosses used in those days, until you pelt them with ninja stars or swing your butter knife at them. Every time you hit a boss they squeak and bounce around and will continue to do this until you have hit them about 30 times wherein they will make some kind of digital fart noise, blink, and then disappear. All that is missing is a “A WINNER IS YOU” message.

Defining Moment:
Being able to fly across any level in about thirty seconds by jumping continuously. You can totally skip any graphics programming the developers did and see nothing but a plain blue background the entire time. It’s simplistic programming bugs like being able to jump like you’re on the goddamn moon that make bad games worse. In this case, it set a new low for NES games.

Graphics: 1/10
I found it funny that enemies flip upside down when you smack them. Other than that the rest of this mess looks uninspired and recycled. The trees and bamboo have numerous bugs in them that make them look buggy, inverted, or scrambled. Demon Sword is a mess of display glitches and bugs that rival the likes of Action 52.

Sound: 1/10
If suspenseful and dramatic anime music is your favorite genre of music, then this game is for you. The music always gives the hint that something exciting might happen, but to me, skeletons that do flips and lots of jumping don’t classify as “exciting”.

Control: 2/10
The controls are easy to master, because as long as you hold Up and Right you can beat the entire level until you get to the boss. When it comes to the actual combat, your character can swing away all he wants, and enemies will pass right through your sword. Ninja stars make guys flip upside down, and they have a range of about an inch on the screen.

Inuyasha Lookalike Points: 9/10
Your guy looks an awful lot like Inuyasha. And Inuyasha sucks. Big time. I can’t see why all of those dumb kids like Inuyasha either, it’s so damn boring.

– Dracophile