Right Front Suspension

Almost two years ago the state of Texas gave me a permit to drive a car. Getting there couldn’t have been easier and for that reason alone I think I should have failed the tests I took. Nothing of that level of importance should be that easy. But, you know, oh well. I passed and now I can drive my Ford Explorer whenever and wherever I want.

I took the Driver’s Ed class from my high school and our main teacher was a guy who was old to say the least. He fell asleep frequently during the lectures and 1970’s defensive driving movies. We watched a load of general crap in there and took some tests that were essentially eighty questions of “Are you stupid, Yes or No?”

No joke, one of the final exam questions read “When you see a sign that says STOP what should you do?” The choices were something like:
A) Stop.
B) Adjust your speed.
C) Turn on your lights.
D) Merge.

The real “challenge” came with the actual driving. To get the learner’s permit we needed 7 hours of actual driving with an instructor and 7 hours of just watching someone else drive. The best thing to do was to buddy up with someone and get one hour done of each in one sitting. Instructors came in two flavors: a cool black guy that would buy you a 44oz soda at the gas station and a large white woman that would buy herself donuts. Obviously, you wanted to ride with the black guy whenever you could, but sometimes that didn’t happen. I ended up spending six of the seven trips with the woman as well as the final exam. Joy.

I’d drive to Corpus Christi, the nearest city which was about an hour away, then switch with my partner and she would drive us home. We needed to park at some place to change drivers, but where would we go? “Just pull into Krispy Kreme” the instructor would say. The “crispy cream” name alone is enough to make you feel unwilling to eat, but the only thing worse than that is the sight of a woman eating a whole fucking dozen of them right before you, without even offering one to us, even if we had to split one.

No joke, she would buy a dozen donuts every time, and systematically eat all of them before we got home. Didn’t even bother to offer us one either. Worst of all, whenever you’d be driving she would of course sit in the passenger side… causing the car to literally pull to the right.

I am not saying that to be mean, but there was a noticeable difference whenever you were actually driving where the right front side of the car would be down more than your corner was; enough to make you aware of it and enough to pull the car to the right making left turns hell. She questioned me once before why I always made a right turn instead of a left, or why I made more rights than lefts. I simply said it was because I thought it was easier to do so…

Go fucking figure.

– Dracophile