The Reasons Why G4TV Sucks

Last year, the game channel G4 teamed up with TechTV, or rather, I should say G4 ate TechTV and ripped them off. They advertised that G4TechTV would be the #1 channel for “gaming, gadgets, and more”. If you decipher this, it really means, the #1 channel for crap, crap, and people with annoying personalities. G4 is a writhing mass of dipshits and hopeless actors. They took with them to Tech TV their stupid shows and their stupid forum members. And by stupid, I mean retarded Nintendo fanboys who do nothing but fondle themselves while looking at Legend of Zelda porn.

Tech TV was more than fine the way it was. They had awesome and interesting shows, then G4 comes along and the shit hits the fan. Not only did they get rid of Leo Laporte from The Screen Savers, they also replaced other Tech TV shows like Invent This! with shit like Cinematech. Today on RFSHQ we will be discovering why G4TechTV sucks so bad now. Keep in mind you hopeless G4 fanboys, I won’t be ripping into Tech TV’s remaining shows. The damage has been done. Thanks a lot you losers.

 

Cheat! with Corey Rouse

Apparently these people have never heard about GameFAQs.com and CheatCC.com. I mean hell, there’s even a CheatCodes.com. This show was made for the little bitching and whining idiots on the G4 forums who are too damn lazy to search for their own cheats. So what do they do? They bitch and whine and then G4 makes a whole show and forum where they can come bitch and whine and see their username on TV which will be forgotten by the next commercial break if you even watch the damn show that long.

 

Filter with Diane Mizota

Filter is a Top 10 countdown type show similar to things that air on VH1. However there is one main flaw with Filter: they make a new episode every week just about. VH1 on the other hand makes a countdown show every few months. Quality over quantity people. G4 just doesn’t understand. Filter is also boring, the list of games is randomized. Why? Because the retards on the forum get to vote on the “Filterater”. Look, we’ve seen this in the South during the USA’s beginning years. If you give retards power, it goes to their heads. And when that happens, popular franchises will end up taking #1 over worthwhile games.

 

Cinematech

This is by far the stupidest shit I have ever seen. This show just cycles through various cut scenes from video games. AND THAT’S IT. Boring cutscenes that no one ever watches because they skip them and play the game. When they show a game without cutscenes, they’ll show recorded footage of some guy playing it. This means you get to watch someone play GTA: Vice City with one of the slowest cars ever for 10 minutes and then dramatically end the video by hitting a street light.

 

Judgement Day with Victor Lucas and Tommy Tallarico

Judgement Day is a rip off of Tech TV’s X-Play. Allow me to describe your hosts. Victor Lucas loves every game ever made. Tommy Tallarico hates every game ever made. The two cancel each other out. “Hey Victor, I give this game a 0!” “Really Tommy? I liked it. I gave it a 10.” What a great way to figure out how to buy games! Not only this, but they give the +’s and -‘s of the games. Sometimes when there is nothing wrong with the game, Tommy has to bitch and say he hates the music giving the minus box something to put in there. Listen bro, just because you made the soundtrack to Earthworm Jim doesn’t mean that no one else is allowed in your little circlejerk of friends.

 

Electric Playground with Victor Lucas and Tommy Tallarico

Our 2 butt buddies host another “show” on G4. I don’t know the point of this at all. I was watching this, and I forgot I was watching TV. They just ramble on about stuff. That’s it. No more, no less. I think they try to inform you about how games are made, but all I see is Tommy’s huge ego and Victor trying to hit on the creators of Jak & Daxter.

 

Arena

This is a show that teams of nerds go on so they can tell the ladies that attend their community colleges they were on national TV and hopefully get some action. But what were they on TV for? Oh, they were just doing what they do in their dorms; playing Counter Strike and getting pissed off because they keep losing. The majority of the people that compete look like they never get off their ass, mainly because their ass is the size of a Volkswagen Bus. The host, some annoying football sportscaster reject, has to make it seem interesting and fails horribly. At least ESPN had the smarts to reject him on Sportscenter.

 

G4TV.com

Sometimes I forget this show exists, mainly because it’s just some advertisement for their fucking website. They do the same crap that Tommy and Vic do on Electric Playground; they just talk and talk and no one ever listens. The hosts are annoying, the show is stupid, and it needs to be canned. Maybe something decent like Secret Strange & True should take its place, hint hint wink wink.

 

Pulse with Tech Live Wannabes

Pulse is the dead non-equivalent of Tech Live. Tech Live rocked your face off. They reviewed all sorts of computers, told you about security alerts, went to movie studios for behind the scenes looks at movies, interviewed people who worked for Microsoft, kept you up to date about future gadgets coming out, and a whole shit load more stuff. What do they people on Pulse do? They smile and look at the camera.

 

Icons

Icons is G4’s incorrect answer to The Best Week Ever on VH1. They get a bunch of nobodies from game companies to sit down and just babble about whatever the topic is. I mean, when I want to see people talking about the history of Mario, I wanna see some serious people from the Nintendo company. I don’t want to see James Jones, Department of Lavatory Cleanliness for Rockstar Games followed by a bunch of random GameStop customers labeled “Gamer”. Seeing some 40 year old guy who probably still lives with his mother is not the definition of gamer; that would be the definition of the future guy to wear the Barney suit.

 

The good die young. Tech TV was taken from this world too soon, and replaced with utter crap. Business is business though. RIP Tech TV.

– Dracophile