Mega Man Robot Masters Part 2
Now, I said before that I am actually a fan of the Mega Man series, well, on the NES that is until it was mass produced in every possible scenario. Then it sucked. I’m only poking fun at the robot masters in the game, so here we are, with Mega Man 2.
Wow, looks like we’ve got some prime cuts here. Eight masters rather than the six we were gypped with last time. That’s awesome. No really. I mean it. I’ve also got a little extra for his review. MantaMan of the RFSHQ Forums has contributed his two cents on each robot master as well.
Draco: This asshole annoys the hell out of me. His level features an animated waterfall background that was so flashy it made my eyes hurt. It actually helped me lose the game faster, which is a very good addition to the game! Bubble Man is very necessary. In fact, he is as necessary as a Cheetahmen III game.
Manta: And I thought Wily was a genius. He only put spikes in there to make it a little harder. Wimp. HE SHOOTS SLAGGIN’ BUBBLES FOR SLAG’S SAKE!
Draco: Air Man is like, a portable fan, with a body. It’s fan-ness to the next level. Unfortunately, that level is called “crap”. The only reason he was put in this game was because the Capcom staff was high again and they had duct-taped a handheld fan onto a Gundam model and called it a robot master. Then they were all insipired… to go to 7-11 and get more Doritios.
Manta: Look at his tummy. Now imagine a kid who is throwing his Lego toy behind him. BOOM!
Draco: Look, we’re only on Mega Man TWO and we’re already running out of names. Either that or Capcom just wanted to make a cheap rip off of The Flash. Quick Man fuckin pisses me off. You can’t beat his level. There’s an infinite amount of these annoying bars that fly around and kill you in one hit. I’m serious. I played this level for like 3 hours and got tired of it. I don’t really need to talk about it. You get the point.
Manta: Wow what a name. I think Fast Man would have been better. Also, I’ve never gotten to him. PH34R TEH PASSWORDS!
Draco: Is it me or is this a Zippo with a head and limbs? You see, what happened here was that one of the staff’s army men got melted onto the lighter when me mistook it for a joint (don’t ask me how). Then the army man caught fire, and there was a big unnecessary uprising where someone grabbed a fire extinguisher and nailed someone on the head with it hoping to let the foamyness out. He died. Capcom caught fire and everyone moved to the tool shed in one of the dude’s father-in-law’s backyard.
Manta: At first I thought this guy was modeled on a trash can, but later on a Rockman.EXE website I learned it was a cigarette lighter. Just say no to Heat Man kiddies!
Draco: You see, at this point since they were working out of a fucking tool shed, they were making and naming robots after crap laying around in there. Like wood for example. They also decided to make Wood Man the equivalent of Aquaman. His power sucks, and is not really needed. I mean, what the fuck kind of power is talking to fish anyways? Like, if you’re in the desert, you’re screwed big time. Wood Man has… leave. Yeah, leaves. And they twirl around and do nothing, just like Aquaman.
Manta: How does Wily make a robotic log? And how do those leaves hurt?!
Draco: Was I right? They named this dude after something in the shed too. By now they had started hittin it with the bong, so they thought a saw blade was a frisbee and now the ambulance was there, and so was the cops. Since they were all high they got locked up in jail. They managed to finish the robot master level though, which was good I guess.
Manta: Just enter this guy as a BattleBot. Don’t worry, he’ll be fine.
Draco: Now since they’re all in jail, they started naming stuff from the jail. Ying Yang Yong’s cell mate, Bubba, had shown him his penis on several occasions, that’s where the name Flash Man came from. Although the robot in the game is not an exhibitionist, it’s the inspiration that counts. So remember, the next time you think Flash Man, think penis.
Manta: I want those eyes! Gimme! Gimme! O_o
Draco: Crash Man’s music remind me of those commercials for those cheap ass Spiderman Digi Draw things. Or those Rock Writers. Both of those are shit. Crash Man looks like a retired Power Ranger. He throws exploding Pokeballs at you and he prances and jumps around like the guerrilla warfare soldiers in Bayou Billy. Your best bet to beat him, is to, like, not play his level. Or shut the game off right when you fight him, that way you always win!
Manta: I gotta admit, this guy is pretty cool. At first thought I thought he was a car that hit you, then I learned that was Turbo Man’s job. He shoots out bombs or something that look like drills, so many he is related to Drill Man. Also, he’s wearing a bike helmet.
– Dracophile and MantaMan