REVIEW: Anticipation (NES)

AntiTitleGame:
Anticipation

Developer:
Rare

Genre:
Board Game

Platform:
NES

Released:
1988

I’m guessing the game Anticipation is based off, or ripped off rather, of Pictionary. What, never played Pictionary? I don’t blame you. It’s stupid, you must rely on someone else’s shitty drawing skills to get something like 3 points. Anticipation will draw out some ambiguous blob on the screen connect the dots style and you will have to guess what it is. You’ll only be getting 1/4 of the damn things right though. Imagine a retard scribbling something and having you guess what it is. Yeah, there you go.

Once you actually get a few questions right (this takes some time and random guessing) the game gets even more tedious by introducing picture topics such as “Miscellaneous” and “Whatchamacallits”. These topics showcase drawings that the game calls “Canes”. In reality however, they look more like wieners. Right about here is where I realized this game is trying to brainwash you with Nazi encouragement. Don’t ask how I know this, but after playing Action 52 I have realized I now know everything.

AntiImage1

Can you guess what the “F” is for?

Okay, okay, we all know what the “F” means here. I don’t even have to crack the joke about it. I had the game on Easy Mode, and this is what I had to guess. It’s not very hard to guess a letter, I was lucky for once. The connecting dots give it all away. Once they take those dots away, all hell breaks loose. That crap could be anything.

The game usually sticks to simplistic lines and avoids curves like fatties avoiding exercise. This little cornercut somehow turns roller skates into razor blades. Remember, with a name like Anticipation, you should be expecting… I mean “anticipating” weird crap even though it’s going to take you a solid four hours minimum to get past Round 1.

AntiImage2

“Just make shit up as you go.” – The developers

This is the game board of hell you will be circumnavigating for hours and hours. There are some others after this one but I was unable to get images of them because after 3 hours of gameplay my colon exploded and I had to go to the hospital. The doctors said I was mumbling something about “Fuckin roller razor skates mason jar”. I don’t remember. I was loopy because I had taken some heavy painkillers.

I can’t get over the fact I wasted hours of my life playing this crap. It seemed like forever I stared at the screen saying “What the hell is that?”. I don’t recall watching I Love The 80’s on VH1 and seeing that dog houses looked like pop tents, but then again, those were the 80’s… and those were odd days.

AntiImage3

“CASTLEVANIA” was not the right answer.

Who the hell puts the Bible under Leisure?! Exactly. Only crazed insane Catholics. If you are a Catholicidist or whatever and you are getting all pissy about this, then tough shit. Welcome to RFSHQ. I highly advise you go play Bible Adventures before I reach out and tear that game a new one as well.

Notice the timer (the dice) up there. That’s how long it took me to guess what the hell that was. I was about to guess “Jewish Porno”, but there was not enough spaces for that, so “Bible” fit, and that was a guess.

Defining Moment:
Well, while playing I found out that you don’t have to make yourself look like a jackass and get all the questions wrong. If you let the timer run out, you get a new puzzle. I spent quite some time reading a book, drawing, and throwing darts across the room while periodically checking the screen to see if the random assortment of lines was something I’d guess right.

Graphics: 1/10
The only thing that looks like what the answer is are the letters. That’s mainly because they are simple lines and you can’t possibly screw them up unless you are a preschooler who spells his name wrong and backwards and calls himself Yugi.

Sound: 1/10
I don’t like 1950’s music. I don’t like upbeat 1950’s music. Therefore, I don’t like Anticipation‘s music. Hearing something all happy and upbeat and old (like the guys who say “DON’T DO DRUGS”) makes me get all sick and dizzy. Maybe this is why I only got 4 or 5 questions right, either way, it doesn’t make any difference because no matter how you look at it, it still sucks.

Control: 1/10
All you have to do on this game is hit Start a few times, then wait around until you can guess the pictures. When you want to guess, you hit a button and use left and right to select letters and fill in the blanks. Don’t ask how you can possibly screw that up, but Rare managed to make filling in a blank into an olympic sport by giving you only 30 seconds to scroll and fill in “TELEVISION SET”.

Anticipation Points: 2/10
I wasn’t pissing myself excitedly about playing this game. I was “anticipating” a lot more. In fact, I think I heard your girlfriend say that to you last night.

– Dracophile